Sunday, February 28, 2010

One M's medicine is another M's poison

So I stocked up on some chocolate milk & scotch eggs, accidently wore the dress I had on when I was almost lovely-boned myself (Y’know, man in his fifties tries to force you into his car while you’re out walking on your own..the usual!) and went to see The Lovely Bones. At the start, Susie’s carefree youth is the main event OFC, represented in almost haphazard continuous, swirling camera shots of her taking photos, going to the mall, reading magazines, cycling, shopping (I literally LOLd at the gigantic Lord Of The Rings poster at the forefront of the book shop. OH PETER!) Then straight away, we’re introduced to her adversary. GAWDD, Mr. Harvey. The way his meticulous, delicate dollhouse-making, rose-obsessing and soft-spoken disposition contrasts horribly, but SO perfectly, with the total VIOLENCE of his thoughts, movements..even his style of drawing and writing are fused with viciousness. The cornfield scene was also really I thought it was great the way the light coming from the direction of the school faded so so visibly into a dismal grey at the field. And then, Susie moves irresistibly towards the inevitable, as her family have dinner at home. Her life is as fragile as the piece of paper that also moves powerlessly towards Mr. Harvey. OH MY..Stanley Tucci..ASTONISHING. I’d almost see the film again just for that performance. The way, as she tries to walk away, he, parallel to her, almost stalks along saying “Remember me?” in sucha *shuddery* way. He is the DEFINITION of a predator! And then his character then switches as he becomes more and more HORRIBLY excited; his voice becomes higher, hands shaking, laughing now that he has her in his own personal dollhouse, where he is in control. His performance is reminiscent of Frank Langella’s Clare Quilty in Lolita, but somehow more..endearing? Is that wrong? MEH. The camerawork here is GREAT again. As she realises that being trapped under the earth with a paedophile may not be the best idea, the camera echoes Susie’s growing panic, jumping around the room and whooshing in on facial expressions. The don’t see it but it is hinted at ,mostly thanks to Stanley Tucci AGAIN. Its funny how, just by acting with his mouth or eyes or even just close-up of a fingernail can portray something SOO effectively. He was so good, I’ve actually come to love the horrendousness of the character more. The rest of the film alters between the Heaven scenes and the grief of the Salmon family. Sometimes, it is SO perfect, with the look of a Matisse painting, with endless running gazebos and a lighthouse looming as ominously as Barad-dûr. (OH JEEZ, did I just make another Lord Of The Rings reference? OH) And then, at a lot of other times, it IS The Magic Roundabout. No joke. One plain WEIRD aspect was this REALLY REALLY inappropriate mix of slapstick humour and brutality. Like the opening scene of Buckley choking & Susie’s father’s obsession to find her killer, which was presented in an Oh-the-overprotective-father-ha-ha-ha way. I mean, that was just plain insulting. ANOTHER cheesy part, which was in TOTAL contrast with the horrifically brilliant scene with the dead girls beforehand, was when the other victims approach Susie across Fields Of Gold, as this god-awful music plays over it. WAS THAT MEANT TO MAKE ME CRY OR SOMETHING? *vomits* Plus the bit where she returns for some Sexy-Time with Ray was just a kiss in the end. I mean , the bed was right there, how hard would that have been guys?? Everyone was in STITCHES at the death of Mr. Harvey too! It was so retardadly unrealistic and overly-vicious that it looked as if the frickin’ cliff had a personal vendetta against the guy. Okay, I’m making it seem like it’s a terrible film but the good parts were so good, you almost forgive it. I think everything reaaally exceptional/brilliantly terrifying about this film was in some way connected to Mr. Harvey, ie: that grotesque slo-mo pushing of the safe containing Susie’s body into the sinkhole. THAT was the 100% identical feeling you have when reading the scene, of NOOOOOSHE’SRIGHTTHEEEERE! (Thats the technical term, yknow?) But, after seeing it, it seems that the moral of The Lovely Bones is that maybe loss itself never has a concrete resolution or any TOTAL closure for the people left behind. So, in conclusion: The things that were SO right were: The camerawork. The settings. The plot. That bathroom scene. (I mean, WOW :o) Stanley Tucci. YEAHH, basically he saved this. Really, I think the main fly-in-the-ointment was the fact that Peter Jackson said he wanted to make a film that even his young daughters could see. Much as I worship The Jackson, WHY then, would you pick subject matter that deals with the rape and murder of a KID?! But both he and Saoirse Ronan are so much better than this. There are some moments of pure dead BRILLIANCE, but it’s just disappointing that it wasn’t all like that, considering it SO could have been.

In other words, it’s no Parnassus.


Saturday, February 27, 2010

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

Alice In Wonderland is coming out in six dayss. :o Oh Myyy. *re-reads book frantically* Pues, Tim Burton & Johnny Depp were on Jonathan Ross the other day andd..WELL just see for yourself:

BLAHH sorry for that lazy-linkage btdubz, even Part One wouldn't even upload. :( They're actually the most fass-kin-ate-ing people. Johnny says that the Mad Hatter is portrayed as if he's a "human mood ring". kazamm! Alsoh, I went to see The Lovely Bones today but am withholding mon opinion until the Epic Review we have planned! A haw haw haw!

Maarthaa ♥♥♥

Friday, February 26, 2010

A Serious One

I smell a new I correct? the title suggests I'm not gonna be ripping the piss outta something today, actually this post is kind of a sad one.
So, as someone who bases most of her knowledge on current affairs on the Daily Show with Jon's not often I get a SERIOUS, non-comical wake up call news-wise, especially in the American Politics field. So the Healthcare Reform Bill to me just seemed like one big JOKE that didn't affect me but I could laugh at Sarah Palin and her Republicans for all the silly mistakes they make that Jon Stewart so greatly points out. This morning, however, I changed tack. Keith Olberman on MSNBC has always had the ability to kinda make me feel reaaaallly guilty. (bad grammar there, ino) His 'Special Comment' show was broadcast Wednesday night before Republicans went into talks with Democrats in the White House on Thursday. In it, as you shall see if you watch it, he really makes a heartfelt appeal to go through with it, to put aside the partisan tactics and agree on something for once. What made it worse watching it this morning is the news that the talks failed, after seven hours, nothing was agreed on. Obama has said he may just push it straight through congress without Republican votes. I hope to God, even just after watching this video, he does. The current American Heath care system is a mess.

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy


HOW DO I LOVE THEE? Let me count the ways..

You might want to click on it to see it more clearly! But basically this is what I want to BE when I grow up..

Martha ♥♥♥

Thursday, February 25, 2010

And here it is, your moment of zen..

See what I did there?

KAY, so a very short, writing-starved post today to try and encompass (new favourite word) the AMAAZING week I've had. I feel like those photos a certain someone took out the window of our plane on the way TO Barcelona:

Y'see, the world is below the clouds, the clouds are a happy barrier and I'm in my untouchable In-Between..rather like "I'm-Susie-Salmon-like-the-fish" except I'm not dead (hopefully) Also I heard this really interesting, kinda relatable quote from a Viggo Mortensen interview (I WILL finish The Road and I WILL write 'bout it..). YEAHH I'm stalking the man now, so deal with it. Anygay, the interviewer was saying how he's good at giving out all this energy of trying to keep everybody happy & when asked how he felt, Aragorn IMEANVIGGO said: "Generally that's what I do. I try to avoid conflict. I don't want people to be unhappy. Yes, I try to keep too many plates spinning to satisfy everyone's needs, and if you are not careful you get burnt out and really stressed." Too many plates spinning! Genius.


Ho-ho, those guys. Is it bad that I find that tootally non-offensive & one of the funniest things I've ever seen? Well that sums up my inappropriate sense of humour plus my own dealings with retards this week, ONWARDS!


I'm going to HAVE to do a gigantic rant on Edie Sedgwick, as I literally based/base my life on her since I was fourteen, after seeing Factory Girl. But for now, theres just this nugget. Plus the fact that she's been following me around this week..Ever since someone told me she should be my Facebook-Doppelganger, (totally not my intention ofc :D), the unhealthy obsessions been returning.

blacawww internet being diconnected against my wishes BRB

Martha ♥♥♥


Strolled into Topshop on Grafton Street (my sad rather large heaven btw) the other day and heard VV Brown for the first time. I'd only heard of her once before as the winner of the Mercury Award, but really, I was struck by something in her lyrics:
But when I’m in doubt, I open my mouth
And words come out, words come out like
Baby, there’s a shark in the water
There’s something underneath my bed
Oh, please believe I said
Baby, there’s a shark in the water
I caught them barking at the moon
Now when I first heard that I was like 'YES YES I CAN RELATE TO YOU', which I will explain later. Upon further examination however ie. watching the music video, I have discovered she is singing about her boyfriend who is cheating on her with some tall girl in very nice heels.
Back to the relating thing. See, what I THOUGHT she was singing about is when you say something completely stupid around either someone you've just met, or someone you like. I presume you know what kind of stupid I'm talking about, not the batting your eyelashes and giggling,none of that shit. I mean like 'GUYS THIS IS LIKE THAT BIT IN LORD OF THE RINGS THE RETURN OF THE KING WHEN.....(don't think I'll continue that)' or possibly 'you look like pear if it had hair' or the infamous 'I had a dream about you' followed by demented smiling.
But what if you don't know you're saying stupid things? Well, here are some signs to look out for:
  • the very vague smiling and nodding
  • the widening of eyes slightly and looking anywhere but at you
  • edging away slightly
  • saying 'I've just got to go to the bathroom' and then never returning
  • if you follow them to the bathroom and hear 'mom...she's being weird again, will you pick me up now?'
  • the 'OH LOOK AT THE TIME' line may be crop up
  • rapid change in conversation
  • never hearing from the person again
(yes I did just do that in bullet's been a very long day okay?)
Of course, I make myself out to be a complete emo/social reject here and maybe the whole blogging thing doesn't further my case BUT the thing is..I actually LOVE making awkward situations, saying the most socially retarded lines and occasionally cracking out Awky the Turtle when in really desperate situations.
SO that's all I really wanted to say today, let some steam off/express ma views etc....
Going to see The Lovely Bones this weekend so stay tuned for a review perhaps?


btw(it's the new P.S):I include a picture of Dilbert and Dogbert as I base my life around their lines.


Also my hair today was oddly like Dilbert's tie.


Tuesday, February 23, 2010

"Does it include a happy ending?" "Sorry, we can't guarantee that".

I’ve always hearted films, and since my hardcore days of DVD-obsessing set in when I was around 14, I’ve kinda always been looking for THE ONE. Weell, in mid-Octubre on one of the worst days everrr, where I was totally hopeless and frustrated beyond explanation I found it *almost* out of nowhere. (boy) (haw) This, I think is the definition of MARMITE: you’re either going to love it or hate it. So instead of arguing ad nauseum, I’ll just direct naysayers to THIS, the place where imma lose my blog-rant virginity. this is probably going to take a littlewhile to read, I’ve given you the gift of sweet trailer-ness to GRAB su attención. Plus that soundtrack..Mmm, tasty, tasty beats.

^^ Yes, it really is that bizarre. WELL then, The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus: I know it’s a weird title but really after seeing it..I don’t think anything less crazy would have been appropriate. This film does have legs though. It can stand on it’s own, it’s just that good. Terry Gilliam, many say, is a madman. But without his admittedly lunatic visions, everything would definitely be much grayer, sadder place. For me to sit down in a normal cinema and be completely transported to another world, that was so astonishingly whimsical, yet still touched things and events in my own life at the time, SO extraordinarily well.. I ended up going to see it three times. Also, in the hypersensitive state of a dream. I don’t know about you, but my dreams rarely take place as a completely coherent story. Instead they are situations, personal failures and fears that hibernate in my subconscious and then manifest themselves as overblown images and events in my sleep. I find myself trying to decipher all these things for their meaning the next day, they utterly haunt & fascinate you in lush, fantastical, sometimes dark trips through the mirror. However, unlike our own dreams for which we often never know the meaning, the film answers our questions and leaves us with a sense of understanding and empathy, a total morality tale. It spans both modern & ancient eras, somehow mixing them into one slab of beauty which never seems forced or stilted or anyway retarded. Like, the images & insane representations & little-nerdy-cinema-in-jokes piled up so constantly before my eyes that they had me jizzing in my cinema seat. Literally.**
I’m only gonna talk about my two favourite actors in it plus the Heath Ledger debate and I’m not even gonna TRY to explain the plot (I know, whatta review, right? PFFT..thats what the trailers for..) so, here:
First of all: Tom Waits is ENTHRALLING as Mr. Nick/The Devil. I’ve seen him in a couple of films and liked him, but have never really suited a role he has done as this one. I love his music & his attitude, poetry, voice, disconcerting youtube interviews and somewhat odd attractiveness. (YEAH? UGH DID I JUST SAY THAT?) He’s staggering in this..its like all these things (Especially the last one. Mmm-hmm) have just congregated together to form Mr. Nick. They say that the greatest villains all have one thing in common, they all have one redeeming quality. A quality that can make you sympathetic to them and make them more human. Waits’ Mr. Nick’s redeeming quality is at times, you actually like/want-to-be him. There are times he’s not such a baddie, instead a charming, funny, old-world punter. It seems as though he doesn’t want Parnassus to lose the bet because he likes the game itself and Parnassus much more than the thought of actually winning. The performance is so solid and so good.
Lily Cole as Valentina, Parnassus’ daughter, is also a surprise. Even more so as when I first heard she was in it, I thought, international model + fantasy/indescribable genre film = MEHFAIL. I mean, she is out of this world beautiful. Seriously, I’m actually gay for her. But she really was great. Valentina wants more out of life than her father can offer her and has to deal with that painful point in life where all children realize their parents are not perfect and has to *to pile on the cheese-factor here* find her own path. PUKE! Cole’s Valentina is at times funny, frantic, heartbroken and exceptionally relatable. You tend to feel her emotion and frustration in every glance. In contrast to the endearing, lovesick, almost boy-next-door Anton, she is the gypsy girl who like the majority of the audience in the first half of the film, turn towards the winning Tony and turn away from a potentially forgettable character. But with her pre-Raphaelite dollface & statuesque bodddayyy which fits in so well on the stage of the Imaginarium, you can’t help but fall in love with her young-character-but-old-world look. If that makes any sense outside my head. She appears older than her years but still has that sorta..believable teenage desperation which is so refreshing amidst the life-vs-death subjects going on around her.
KAY, para el final..I know that reviewers & audiences alike feel almost compelled to say that the performance of the late Heath Ledger was so exceptional that it is a snatched glimpse of a future tragically taken away. YES, he was an incredible. YES it was so tragic. BUT THE ROLE ITSELF ISN’T LIKE THAAAT. This cast is an ensemble, a troupe rather than the focus to be on that-totally-hot-Australian-guy. And I’m not saying at all that that’s how he was viewed at all in later life (if you can call 28 later life) His..just delicately heartbreaking performance in Brokeback Mountain or the pop culture ICON he created in The Dark Night are his epitaph. This role is just the full stop. Whats especially strange in a life-imitating-art kinda way is that The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus would have been less of a film without the Tony’s truly seamless transitions through the mirror & face-changes to Johnny Depp, Jude Law & Colin Farrell. Jude Law was the only bad part of the whole thang. I mean really..WTF? The other two actors where (surprisingly on Farell’s part, for me) were great. Like those Jerry Schatzberg photos of Edie Sedgwick in the 60s, its simultaneously shows the four sides to one character through the medium of art, which ultimately this film is. That’s the kind of whimsical beauty that just goes with it all so well. His Tony is such a con artist, so silky, so manipulative, so incredibly charming. He was not meant to be likeable, yet you couldn’t really dislike him either.
So GO SEE IT. It’s like a collage, that every time you look closely at it, you see something new and brilliant. Plus check out two of the bitchin’ posters:

It has that slightly retro charm from Gilliam’s early days of Baron Munchausen etc buutt really..there’s only so much you can write about The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus, because the images, performances & just so-luscious-it’s-edible atmosphere are almost the highlights. And just to show that I’m not a total fangirl (AHEM) spouting nonsense, this film is nominated for TWO OSCARS. YEAH. I think I’d projectile vomit with glee if it did win as I feel like I’ve somehow grown up with it. I truly think it’s made with the same love, vision & dedication as Avatar, the same insaane performances as in An Education, and it’s obviously fuckloads better than Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side. So let’s raise our cola-spiked-with-vodka glasses in the hope of Oscar recognition for an mind-boggling piece of cinema.

Marthaa ♥♥♥

** Not literally. That’d be disgusting. WTF is wrong with you??

Sunday, February 21, 2010


It's that time of year again...artists and their carers (lol) get to strut their stuff and pick up something shiny for their (arguably) great contribution to the past year's music scene. Upon watching the Grammy Awards and later the Brits, I noticed something..or perhaps a lack of something in the Brits: COMPOSURE. Apparently, certain British artists haven't a clue what the word means.

Now I only switched on to see a completely twisted Kasabian pick up best British band award. UNFORTUNATELY I barely heard their speech, a few seconds into it the audio switched to the sound of a partially filled room of people chatting and a little grey box in the corner indicated that 'audio has been muted'. Liam Gallagher's throwing of the microphone while accepting his award was just plain embarrassing. As someone who sometimes regards celebrities as her (imaginary) friends and very often looks up to them as role models this was APPALLING. Yes, it did make for awesome viewer ratings but at what expense? I'm not sure how many international viewers watch the Brits but seriously..what must they think British people are like? The words drunk, vulgar and downright rude spring to mind...

To top it all off Lily Allen got up to accept her prize for British Solo Artist, and,
quelle surprise, was completely plastered. I, personally despise Lily Allen, but upon watching this I didn't need any personal reasons to dislike her. She handed them to me on a plate. After thanking some people the, by now familiar, little grey box appeared in the corner, her speech was muted and maybe it was my eyes but was she waving her middle finger around the place too? Classy.

However, there were SOME great moments. Lady Gaga's acceptance speech was very funny. She looked a tad confused and rightly so, on American awards shows they don't just let a pitful of people scream their way through someone's speech, Lady Gaga said she couldn't hear herself! Poor girl must have been completely lost, what with the drunkenness and swearing. And you may say that the this sort of thing happens on American Awards shows the whole time, maybe it does. The whole Kanye - Taylor mix up received more than its fair share of media coverage, yet British media scarcely mentioned Brit Award slip-ups, maybe suggesting that this sort of thing is all too common and not even worth reporting?

Other highlights of the evening were Florence and Dizzee's performance of 'You Got the Dirtee Love'. I was gobsmacked. Sugababes later commented that they should pair up for good. I agree. Jay-Z and Alicia Keys performing Empire State of Mind blew me away, Alicia especially, if anyone deserves the 'diva' status (in a complimentary way of course) it would be her. Robbie Williams' ten minute set was equally great. He truly is a performer. I'm not sure if he was singing live but I hope he was, sometimes I feel sorry for the guy, he gets so much crap yet he keeps on going. Just like the Brit Awards I guess? They just got a truckload off crap from me but hey, there's always next year.

DAYUM whosa sexy-yet-musically-talented bitch!

Well would ya look who it is?
I almost jizzed when i saw this:

YES JOHN, I KNOW what you mean.
Even though I am forever obsessed by Retro.

Kay, more intellectual/less fangirl posts soon. About the Brits perhaps? Eh?EH? Noice emo backround change btw. :)